'Tis one of these days… again… yeah, I know…
I feel so extremely exhausted lately. Both physically, as well as mentally. The only thing that gets me out of my bed in the morning is going to work. And as soon as I arrive back home, the first thing that embraces me with the softest of all touches are both my pillow and my blanket.
But never a lover’s touch. As this is exclusive to people with an energetic vulcano for a heart that seethes inside of them. Never for someone who can’t seem to do anything more productive in his life than to wallow in self-pity.
But even as I’m lying in my bed, I can’t help but feel the world spinning around my head. Upside-down, back and forth. As if forces of energy are taunting me for my lack of any.
Self-pity’s the most addictive of drugs. Let me tell you that. Maybe once the winter’s gone I will find enough confidence to finally leave my apartment and socialise with people other than Jesus Christ. Who currently resides in my left arm.
Until then, I will at least try to occasionally get up and eat something. You know… to not “die” and shit.
And now I’ll have a shower…
Trained myself to exhaustion. Went uphill jogging for an hour straight, without any pauses, but feel amazingly refreshed non-the-less.
As for the rest of the evening:
- A glass of cool lemon-water
- A cold shower
- A pot of nettle tea
- A pack of Natural American Spirit tabaco (we don’t want to get too healthy, do we?)
- Pen, paper, and music in the background.
It really is time to work on some new song-lyrics. I “finally” feel like recording something new this weekend. Let’s see how far I’ll get with it.
There’s nothing like dancing around in the snow at 12 midnight, while indulging in a healthy life.
Yet another Saturday-evening which I will spent with a bottle of my favourite Chardonnay, Ludwig Hirsch’s “Dunkelgraue Lieder” playing in the stereo, and a notebook to write down ideas for a story I am… eventually… going to write and draw.
Which will most definitely include my wildest suicidal fantasies, as well as pages after pages of the most pretentious self-loathing gibberish one person could possibly come up with. Yay for a very well balanced personality.
In other news: these newly prescribed anti-depressants don’t work shit, and a freshly bought pack of cigarettes WILL be rendered obsolete.
I don’t feel very well today. Which might come as no surprise, since I only upload pictures of myself when I’m feeling mentally or physically sick.
Sitting at my favourite bar, drinking my favourite beer and smoking my favourite cigarillos.
Re-uploading older stuff is soo much fun.
Brother wine. I love thy taste too much.
On the height of my creativity.
I… don’t feel very happy lately…
Gpoy… whatever the fuck that means… I don’t care.
I’m not sure if I’ve posted that one before, but who cares, really? It’s so much fun to browse through my hard-drive.
I’m now off to watch some art-house hardcore gay pornography. Man, I love this film.